Don't Want To Forget
by offtheride
Summary: Just days before Victory Tour, Katniss reaching out to Peeta. Together they made some memories that were not related to the games. Will the memories helped them through the Quarter Qell and rebellion? Or will them make it even worse? Pre-Catching Fire, all the way through Mockingjay, with my own little twist.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Want To Forget**

**AN: Hey! This is my first fanfiction that I ever have the guts to publish. It's started off somewhere before Catching Fire, all the way through to Mockingjay, with my own little twist. It is going to be told both from Katniss' and Peeta's view. And yes, it's rated T, because as much as I like anything rated M, I still don't know if I could write a proper one *grinned*. Well, hope you enjoy it!**

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**Chapter 1**

"_I don't want to forget."_ – Peeta

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**Katniss' POV**

It's been months since I've become one of the victors of The 74th Hunger Games. Yes, victors. Me, Katniss Everdeen, a girl from the Seam, and Peeta Mellark, my _supposed_ lover from the Merchant of District 12. My _supposed_ lover whom I hadn't even been talked to since our arrival. Well, I have to admit that I've been avoiding him all this time, even though he's been doing the same to me, but still, it was all my fault. I walked past his home in Victor's Village everyday, sometimes even slowed down and glanced through his open doors, or windows and maybe — just maybe— that I would catch a glimpse of him. Anything would do. Even if it's just a glimmer of his blonde hair, a twitch of his fingers when his baking in his kitchen, or just the smell of bread and cinnamon in the morning, it's enough for me.

Sometimes he would caught me peering through from his kitchen's window, and in those moments I am sure that he could read my mind, or maybe he suspected that I'm purposefully checking on him, not in stalkerish way, but in some kind of I-hope-that-you're-doing-fine-but-I'm-too-much-of-a-coward-to-actually-talk-to-you kind of way. Because like it or not, I _need_ him to be okay. And it's not even that I might actually care for him, but it's like my own selfish way to make sure that he's still there beside me, even though not literally _with_ me. Just a reassurance that this is not a dream, that I actually didn't win this game alone, that he's going to be the only person who actually knows what we've been through. But those moments only last for a second. Usually, I'm the one who would looked away first, terrified, anxious, scared, of what emotion that I would found in those deep blue eyes. Am I hoping that he would still looking at me with that longing, loving, warmth he always had for me? I don't know, I thought that would only make me feel even guiltier to him. But one thing for sure: every time that it's him who looked away first, it stung.

It's just that I really, really, really don't know how I am feeling about him. Even though I missed him, _so_ bad. My nightmares never come off. They're all still there, lurking in the corner of my mind, waiting to creep up on me when I'm down. The images of Prim being reaped, only now that I can't volunteered to replace her. Rue, dying in my arms. The careers successfully killing me. And Peeta, dying of the blood poisoning, being thrown in to the hungry mutations, his mouth spilling of blood red juices from night locks. And I'll startle awake while my hands clutching desperately to the sheets, hoping that he would be there holding me, soothing me down, just like in the cave. But then I remember he's not even talking to me and there were times when I would just running through the doors to him, in the middle of the night and bare foot, but I just couldn't find the courage to knock on his door. It wouldn't be fair to him. I'm just going to hurt him all over again. So I came back home, and sobbing in my own bed, sometimes Prim would be there, but it's just not enough.

And Gale, whom that I thought the one I would spend the rest of my life with, if it's not for the games, was barely there anymore. With him working on the mine, because he is of age to be working now, and he didn't want to be a _charity_ case for me, even though I'm the one who begged him to made my family _his_ charity case during the games. But he wouldn't budge. He said he didn't want to touch that capitol's money, especially since it's not him who won the games. So we settled that I'll go hunting everyday, and I would deliver my game to his family, that way I can pay my debt for him without using capitol's money. Besides the fact that I need to hunt as much as I need to breath, to calm me down, to take my mind off of things.

But as the time ticking down to the Victory Tour, it's getting hard for me to keep my mind from being crazy. The nightmares became more persistent. Usually I got 5-6 hours of sleep before I startled awake, but now, I'll be lucky if I could rest my eyes for 3 hours. I would go hunting very early in the morning, and only came home when I'm extremely tired that my body just couldn't take it anymore. Gale would be concerned; sometimes I even drifted off to sleep in the woods, only to be awakened an hour later. Gale tried to soothe me, but strangely it's not his hands that I wanted to feel rubbing my back, it's not his voice that I'd heard, he even attempted to kiss me again, but it's all felt so wrong. After that I would kept my distance from him until we call the day's off, he would be grumpy, but all I can think of is I'm hoping that next time we would pretend like nothing's happened, like we always did since that day he kissed me, and everything would be alright again.

It's a couple of days before the Victory Tour. And I couldn't take it anymore. I've talked to Haymitch, but he's only solution was liquor. I'm taking pills to make me sleep faster, but it's even worse. I would trap in my dreams for hours, sobbing and screaming in my sleep, not even Prim nor could Mom wake me up from those nightmares. So now I prefer not to sleep at all. Which is bad, because now I couldn't concentrate to aim my targets, I even couldn't bring home any game with me these days, and the worst of all: I keep drifting off to sleep, leaving me even more exhausted each time I'm awake.

_Peeta_.

I keep thinking of him, daydreaming how good it would be to be asleep in his arms once more. But no, I can't do that to him. I'm already taking too much advantage of him, and hurting him in the process. I couldn't hurt him anymore. He didn't even talk to you anymore, I scolded myself. What am I going to say to him anyway? _Hey, Peeta. I know I told you that I want to forget everything that happened in the games, but I couldn't. Can I sleep with you again?_ Nice one, Katniss. You'll be lucky if he just slammed the door on your face. It's almost night, I don't even know if he's home or not. Sometimes he would go visit his family's bakery and left the house empty. I'm just glad that he didn't bring his family in the new house, that way his Mom wouldn't beat him anymore, even if she didn't have any reasons to beat him now. But I wonder if he ever felt lonely, in this big house... I know I am. Was he having restless nights like me? But then I realized that I never knew if he's having bad dreams or not, even in the cave. I'm the one who always seek comfort from him. Oh God, why am I needed to be so selfish? While there was a battle in my mind, I didn't realized that my feet been taking me exactly to his front door. And I know immediately that his house is empty.

_Great_. Now I can walk home without feeling humiliated, or desperate, now that I've tried. But my feet won't move. Instead, my legs collapsing, leaving me undone on his porch, feeling so lost. I can feel my eyes were stinging with tears; I pull both of my legs to my chest, hugging my knees, and buried my face in my arms. I don't know how long I stayed that way. That's when I heard a familiar voice.

"Katniss?"

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***off to the next chapter***


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: What? Another chapter already? *snickers* Well, my excuse is, you need to write down all of the stuff in your head while it's still hot. Otherwise, the ideas gone.**

_**Disclaimer: Before I forget (again), I didn't own anything. I'm just a girl screwing up another person story. I hope I didn't screw the original characters, though.**_

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**Chapter 2**

_I can feel my eyes were stinging with tears, I pull both of my legs to my chest, hugging my knees, and buried my face in my arms. I don't know how long I stayed that way. That's when I heard a familiar voice._

"_Katniss?"_

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**Peeta's POV**

_What the hell is she doing out here? It's almost night, and it's absolutely freezing!_

It's been a busy day in the bakery. Dad had been working even more now since our district had 2 victors last year, which means people in our district had more income than before, they can now buy more loaves of bread and cakes, and the business had never been busier. Even more so that now my family didn't have to worry about money anymore, now that I can feed them off without actually working. They've been hiring a couple of people to help them in the bakery, making sure that they can make enough bread for all of the people in District 12. I guess it is the one thing that I'm actually glad after winning the games. That I could make a better living for the people in my district. I could give away those cookies to the hungry kids who were staring at our front door. Mom still would be glaring at me, but who the hell cares? She had no reason to beat me _ever_again. But still, when it is about decorating cakes, they leave the job for me. And the fact that now everyone knows that I'm the most _talented_ one in the family, some customers even personally asked me—or demanding—that I'd do their cakes. I'm really happy that I still have something to do in the bakery, so I came visit as frequently as I could. This is my life.

So never in any of my dreams that when I come home, that I'd see Katniss—the girl that I have a crush on since forever—would be curling up in front of my porch. I might not have seen her face yet, since it buried down between her knees, but I'd know that body anytime, those brown locks in a neat braid anywhere. Even from afar, I know it's her. I come running down the pathway to my front door, kneeling down beside her.

"Katniss?" I shook her shoulder gently.

Slowly, she lift up her face and I'm frowning to see there are tears running down her cheeks, her eyes and nose are red and puffy, and those beautiful, soft, pink lips turned blue. Alarmed shot through me, "What happened?"

Without further delay, I lifted her up from the floor, she seemed shocked a little while, but I tucked her head to my chest and she sighed. Probably too tired to even struggle with me. I wonder if she had eaten properly. After struggling a little bit to turn the knob, thank God I never locked the door, I kicked it open and put her down on the couch in front of the still lit fireplace. I come running upstairs to retrieve my blanket, and put it all over her body. She seemed to just realized now that she's freezing and resume her fetal position. I get up to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for her, something that I've already perfected since our train back home.

Once done, I brought the steaming cup to her. I sit up on the wooden table in front of her, she hesitates at first, but I took one of her hand and wrap it around the cup, and do the same to the other hand. She relished in the warmth from the cup, and inhales the sweet smell of chocolate. Finally, she drinks it, and after a while, she whispered a thank you. I smiled at her, searching her face. Noticing how uncomfortable it made her, I wrap both of my hands around her hands that still holding the cup, pulling her closer to me. Her eyes wide, probably questioning my intention. I just stare at her, watching her lips turning into luscious pink once again. I wipe trails of tears with my right thumb on her face. Once again, she sighed.

"How long have you been there?"

"Honestly... I don't know..."

A long pause. Now it's my turn to sigh. I hope it wasn't that long; I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I took her out from the games only to found her freezing on my door. "I'm sorry..."

Her eyes snapped to me, "What? What are you sorry for?" She didn't even give me a chance to respond when she continued, "You didn't do anything wrong! I'm the one who need to apologize to you..." Her last words were barely a whisper, but still, I could hear her well.

Now both of my hands were on her face, caressing her cheek, "About what?"

She gulped. "About everything. For leading you on, lying to you, hurting you, ignoring you like you never existed... I... I'm really sorry, Peeta..."

There are tears brimming on her eyes, and I know she desperately hold them so they won't fall. She hates being weak, especially in front of me. Like I could ever see her as weak. Hell, she's the strongest person I've ever seen in my life. Surviving those days of hunger after her father died, looking after her family at such young age, volunteering for her sister at the reaping, becoming a victor of the games, dragging me along with her... seriously. I wonder where that strength came from. The first time I saw her, she's just a little girl. But now, she's so much more. No one can blame me for falling for her, though.

But still, it's not all her faults. Its part mine, too. I'm the one who is falling for her. She never did. But, she kept the act to save both of us. And hell, she did. But when she told me the truth, I'm the one who shut her out. And I'd never made any effort to apologize to her, to actually make her falling in love with me. I just went black of my jealousy, trying to take her away from everything that she ever knew, Gale and hunting. Even when she never admits if she ever had any feelings for him. I just jump on conclusion, without even try to find the truth. I should've talk to her, I might have a chance with her, but maybe I'm just as much as a coward. Stupid boy.

So I lied to her, "It's okay..." And I know she knows that it's a lie. It hurts. _Damn_, of course it hurts. To believe that the person that you love for so long finally loves you back, only to found out that it's all a lie. Now I'd never know if she ever felt that way about me. I would never know to tell the difference if any of her kisses was real. Now I would always doubt what her actions might mean to her, is it for her? Is it for me? Or is it for the sake of everyone else? And worst of all, I'm dreading if any of this was meant for _that_ Gale. Yes, I am jealous, and angry. Angry because he's the one who was able to take care of her, that it's him who had that connection with her. And I can't take that away from her, I can't replace him for her, no matter what happened in the games. The games not only take her away from me, but it's also tainted my feelings for her. And I hate them for it, so _fucking_ much.

And it's hard not to take my anger out on her. Because I know she's trying to forget everything that happened in the games between us, _as if_ there's anything happened between us. Apparently, it's all only in my head. While I'm desperately trying to keep those memories real, so I don't forget those grey eyes when they're staring at me, sometimes so soft my heart ached of how much she could affect me, then sometimes they're so hard, like I could drown into the depth of her sorrow, and I want to take away that pain from her. And those luscious lips, the ones that I have tasted so many times, even though they're all just pretend, but I couldn't help myself to hope, that maybe—just maybe—that she really wanted to kiss me, and she would developed some feelings for me. Some parts of me still believe that maybe she did, but it hurts too much.

"Look, Katniss," I started to explain, these words that I've wanted to tell her so many months ago, "I won't lie to you that, what you did, it hurts me. And it still did. And I won't deny that I am angry with you. Those games you played, made me couldn't look at you without feeling betrayed, because the fact is, you've played me. You used my feelings, my confessions, so I would play the perfect role in your little games. And the worst of all, you made me believe, hoping, that maybe there's something more. But then you just tossed it all away. Like my feelings meant nothing at all to you."

"I—I'm sorry, Pee—" she choked, but I stopped her.

"Then after given a though about it, trying to rationalized everything, strangely, it was all made sense. I do understand where they're coming from. That if you didn't do what you did, I must be dead by now. _Hell_, I even understand why you want to forget. Because in your head, it was all a lie. And I do understand if you wanted to forget all the lies. To separate what was real and not. I couldn't blame you for that. For being real to yourself."

"But still, could you ever imagine what was it for me? When I thought they were real, and then all of a sudden they're not? It's a blur line for me, so sometimes I just deny it all and believe that they're real, that's when I got so angry, and other times I would try to accept it. But I don't want to forget any of it. Without the games, I wouldn't have the chance to kiss you," she smiles at this, "I wouldn't even get the chance to talk to you, let alone holding your hands or sleeping with you at night. So I want you to know that this, my feelings are real, and I won't let them go. Because never once in my dream that I would ever get these chances. No matter how much it hurts, this is me, trying to be true to myself. Can you accept that?"

Tears brimming in her eyes again. She tried to say something, but nothing came out. But I can see the doubt in her eyes. _Oh no_. She's going to shake her head no.

I was holding her hands again. "You didn't have to return my feelings, Katniss. I would never force you to do that. All I'm asking just, _please_, don't try to deny it. Don't push me away just because of this. Don't try to make me changed my mind. Believe me, I've tried. I just need you to understand that I'm a helpless romantic in here."

She snorted a laugh. And I smile at her. "Yes, you are." She brought her hand to caress my cheek. I closed my eyes, relishing the warmth from her palm alone. When I open my eyes, that sad look was back. "You're too good for me."

I didn't say anything to that. Instead, I took her hand on my cheek, intertwining our fingers. "Stay for dinner?"

"Sure."

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**AN: So... that was hard to write. I hope it made sense. Anyways, seemed like it is the basic reason for something in the future, maybe? *wink wink***

***off to the next chapter***


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Finally! I can't believe I need a week to finish this particular chapter. And I'm in holiday! I literally bring my laptop before going to bed, and wake up with it on my side. Every. Day. It sucks. Do you know how difficult it is to write a story that is not in your first language? I have this perfect scenes in my head, I know what I want to write and where it is going, but then I sit in front of my laptop, and blank. I didn't know what these words in English, so I need to open a dictionary or a translator tool. It. Is. So. Freaking. Damn. Annoying. And Frustrating! Some of you might be thinking: why didn't I just write it in my first language? But then I would lost all the original characters! Believe me, when you compare the original book with the translation ones, there's something about the characters that just off.**

**Okay. Enough with the ranting. I hope this one is better than the last chapters.**

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**Chapter 3**

"_You're too good for me."_

_I didn't say anything to that. Instead, I took her hand on my cheek, intertwining our fingers. "Stay for dinner?"_

"_Sure." _

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**Peeta's POV**

Days passed by after that eventful night. I could see the changes on Katniss' behavior towards me. Just a slight, but it is better than before, when we wouldn't even looked at each other. She still hesitant to approach me, though. At first, I even get the impression that she is still running away from me when we're alone. Haymitch saw this little difference—I don't know how he never lost his observational skill while always in a drunk state—and of course, he _loves_ to tease us both every chance he gets. Like now.

"How did you melt her icy facade, bread boy? Did you set her on fire?"

I just rolled my eyes. It's like some kind of a routine for us—well, me—to drop him some loaves of bread by his house every morning. Sometimes we ate breakfast together, or me eating breakfast and him drinking his bottle of liquor. Katniss usually came at noon, bringing some game for lunch. It's like a silent agreement between me and Katniss that we'll take turn to visit him regularly. And it was what irritates Haymitch the most. I have to admit that I kind of enjoying it. That might be partially the reason that I kept to this routine. Irritated Haymitch is amusing.

And maybe that's why he always tried to irritate me and Katniss as well.

It's not helping that both Katniss and I are just so... clueless. Lucky for me, I have two big brothers who always bragging about their sexual escapades, so I know pretty much how to handle it, even if I couldn't control my face from turning red. Yeah, I need to practice that, a lot. But Katniss was another story. She would blush furiously, and Haymitch just won't take any mercy and even more vulgar with his choice of words.

Of course, Haymitch won't let me get away that easy. "Seriously, kid. I was wondering, what happened that night?"

And here we go again. I've been trying to avoid this exact conversation since that day. Apparently, Katniss' mom was worried that Katniss didn't come home that night. So, she checked on Haymitch. Because before, every time Katniss had any problem, she ran off to Haymitch. I don't know what he had said to her, but knowing Haymitch, even his silence could mean something to Katniss.

"I told you, Haymitch. Nothing happened." Which is not exactly a lie. After I'd finished preparing for dinner, I found Katniss already asleep on my couch. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, so I take her up to my bedroom. I put off her shoes and placed them at the foot of my bed. I don't know if Katniss would feel comfortable with that, maybe she'd think it was too soon, but I decided that I'll think about it tomorrow. Yes, there are other bedrooms in this sickening big house, but I'd never checked on them, or cleaned them up—it's not like I've expected anyone to come here anyway—so I think it's better that it's me who take the other bedroom.

I ate my dinner quickly, and left Katniss' meal just in case she wakes up and hungry. After I cleaned the dishes and turned off the lights, I went upstairs and check up on Katniss. I found her almost in the same position when I left her earlier, curling up on her side with her hands tucked under her face. From afar, it seemed like she slept peacefully. If it's not from the moonlight that streaked through the window landed on her face, I would've never known that the shimmering light that moved down her face was tears. I stepped closer, and surely I found that she's crying. So quietly, I almost couldn't hear her. I was immediately on the bed with her, cradling her body in my arms, placing her head on my chest. I was trying to soothe her, whispering calming words to her, hoping she would hear me, wishing I could take her from whatever horrible dream she was in. _Fucking_ Capitol. They wouldn't even leave us alone in our dreams. After all, maybe death was a better gift than survived in this living hell.

I thought Haymitch was out when he didn't give me any retorted remarks. But I was wrong. Instead of lying down on the couch, he's now sitting up and looking at me with a raised eyebrow. _Oh crap._

"You know I didn't believe you for a second, right?"

"I don't care if you believe me or not."

If I thought his eyebrow couldn't go any higher, I was wrong. Again. "Yeah? I really thought there's something going on with her," he muttered, and if it wasn't that quiet, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to hear him going on, "if only she wasn't that busy to avoid me."

She did? Well, I don't know about that. I've met Katniss and yes, I've noticed the blush on her face, but we still talked. I've even apologized to her about taking her to my bed, and accidentally, sleeping with her. I didn't even remember when I was falling asleep. It's just that it was the first night I found sleeping was so good without any dreams haunting me. And I guess, so did Katniss. I was woke up with the sunrays streaked to my eyes, with Katniss laying on top of me, her face pressed up to my neck, one of her hands clutching my shirt desperately while the other wrapped around my waist, and her limbs tangled between mine. It felt like in the cave, but _so_ much better. And I knew Katniss must have felt the bulging in my pants a couple of times before, so I hope that she would ignore it just like she always did.

The problem is when Katniss woke up a couple of minutes after then, she was so surprised to found me there. It was so awkward; we started apologizing to each other repeatedly, until finally she jumped out from my bed, hastily put on her shoes back, and flee out of the room. I tried to follow her, only to stopped track with Haymitch smirking at us from my couch saying, "Woah... rough night, kids?" At that, Katniss ran out of my house like her life depended on it.

I'm pretty sure Haymitch knows that I'm telling the truth, Katniss' reaction told everything. I thought he just loved to tease me about it.

"Well... I guess you have to ask her yourself."

"Which what I was going to do if she ever show herself." Haymitch muttered to himself before added, "This should be interesting."

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**Katniss' POV**

It was exactly three days before the Victory Tour. Three days before the Capitol would take away my life again. I felt even more scared than before the reaping. At the reaping, there's a slight chance that my name wouldn't be called and I could get another year to worry about it later. But this, _this_, there's no way they would let me get away from it. They came here exactly for me, like I was their sole prey. Once you've become one of their pawns, they'll have complete control of your life, until you die. Literally.

I went to a so much needed hunting routine after having a night full of sleep that day. Mom gave me a stern look when I burst in through our house in Victor's Village. Even Prim teased me about it. Actually, she seemed happy that I've talked to Peeta.

"So... is that mean I can buy his cakes, now?" Prim, with her blue hopeful eyes, asked me.

I stared incredulously at her. "You can always buy his cakes anytime, Prim. No one would deny you anymore."

"But you didn't even talked to him!" she argued. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable... or upset..."

"Don't be silly, Prim."

I felt bad for her, really. She's been dreaming for those cakes since forever. And here I am, standing on her way. The next day, she came home from school with Peeta carrying a huge box of cake. They looked like they've known each other forever. Well, with those same blonde hair and blue eyes, and nice personality, people might think that they're siblings. I wonder if they've been that close after I and Peeta returned.

When Prim hugged me, she put that sly slash innocent smile at me—which I don't know where she learned that from—and said, "Don't be so jealous, Katniss. Peeta was only helping me," which granted her a glare from me. Peeta chuckled and scolded her, but her only reply was directed to me, "Aww... see, Katniss? He's only thinking about you." Well, at least, I'm not the only one who turned red after that.

The next few days, Prim really had a feast on teasing me about Peeta. Every. Single. Day. If I didn't love her that much, I must have been snapped at her, because really, I'm not famous for my patience. But it's Prim, of course I couldn't do that to her. She even asked if we should invite him over for dinner, but I told her no. Fortunately, mom agreed with me. I know she's concerned on how far my relationship with Peeta is, since I was caught to sleep with him not only in the games, but after. Whatever it is, she thought I'm not ready for that. I could only thank God that finally, my mom and I were on the same page. Not even Gale ever been invited to dinner with us. Even though I'm just a tad bit curious if mom had anything against the Mellark's family, you know, after Peeta's confession about his father. But I didn't want to dwell on it.

And Haymitch? I couldn't even look at him without blushing furiously. I must be looked indecent despite that we did absolutely nothing that night. I didn't even remember when was Peeta climbed to the bed with me. I've only remember feeling so safe and comfortable, for once in my whole life ever since my father died. It's nice to have someone to lean on sometimes. That night with Peeta, I felt like the burdens on my shoulders were lifted. And it's a mystery how I could have that feeling with him, I mean, only him. If there's anyone I could trust my life with, it's Peeta. Is it because the fact that that boy loves me? Or is it because the games? Or because he had saved my life years before? I couldn't decide.

I saw Peeta walking down the street to my house. It seemed like he's just finishing from the bakery. His hands full of bag which I assumed would be filled with ingredients. I remember Prim talking about Peeta's promise to teach her how to bake some cookies today. Since mom and I could never had the guts to step into the Mellark's bakery—what's with Mr. Mellark and Peeta's secret now out in the open, we really didn't want to start a scene by going there—Prim had been the only one who would frequently go there to buy loaves of bread, cakes, and cookies. I'm kind of worried that Mrs. Mellark would treat her badly—if she could treat her own son like she did to Peeta, there's no guarantee she would treat us even worse—it seemed like Prim's bubbly personality helped her to go there unscathed. Or maybe she tried to hide it from me. Or Mrs. Mellark simply never been the one to served her. Or Peeta arranged a meeting so Prim would never met his mom. Either ways, Peeta suggested that Prim could go over his house rather than to the bakery. I felt even more relieved.

I opened the door so Peeta could walked in. "Thanks," he whispered. He walked straight to the kitchen and placed the bag on the counter. He'd been familiar with my house even though he'd only be here two or three times before. Maybe it was because all the houses in the Victor's Village are similar. He started to arranged all the ingredients when I heard Prim running through the door straight to Peeta. _Great_. Now he _is_ stealing my sister.

Peeta crouched down while Prim running straight to his embrace. When he stands up and twirl her around, Prim laughing and giggling and sending a wink towards me. I don't know if I should feel jealous, angry, or longing, because I used to be the only one who had been treated like that by Peeta. And now my own little sister openly mocking me right in front of my face. But I shrugged it off. It's rare to see Prim this happy, without any traces of fear on her face. And if Peeta could make her laugh like that, they would never hear me complaining.

Peeta set her on the counter. He ruffled her hair—I couldn't shake the feeling how natural he is with Prim, how he treated her like her own sister. "Are we ready to bake some magic?" he asked her, all smile.

Prim giggled even more and nodding her head, "Yes!"

"Okay, then." Peeta put her down from the counter. "First thing first, we need to measure up these ingredients. Like this." Peeta going straight to the work. Giving her instructions, showing her how to do things, he even laughed when Prim did something wrong. It's kind of fun, and fascinating, to see him in his element. He looked so serious and peaceful at the same time, I wonder if I looked like that when I'm hunting. And he's just so natural with kids. Anyone would be lucky to have him as a husband and a father. Anyways, it's not long before both of them forgot that I was there.

"Umm... did you need any help, little duck?" I asked Prim, even though I don't know if I could help with anything. Like Prim, I'd never bake anything in my life. Hell, Prim even more a better cook than I am. Since she was always the one who helped mom in the kitchen while I'm too tired after hunting all day.

Prim stopped and stared at me. "Really?"

I frowned at her. Is that really weird to see me in the kitchen? "Yeah, sure. Well... I know I can't do much—"

Her grinned was so wide; I couldn't help myself from smiling, too. "Of course, Katniss. Could you help me crack the eggs while I'm mixing this?" And I go to her side, immediately grabbing the eggs and do as she told.

After a while, the dough becoming thicker and Prim has some trouble on mixing it. I offered to help her, but apparently it was not as easy as I thought it would be. I saw both Peeta and Prim snickering watching me struggle with the dough. I stare at them incredulously, especially at Peeta, how dare he laugh at me in front of my sister? Instead, they're bursting out laughing at me.

I stopped and grabbed a handful of flour and chucked them out to Peeta's face. There's a loud gasp replacing the laugh before. Peeta's looked shock at first, but when he realized that I'm grinning at him, he slatted his eyes and lounged at me. I screamed, "Peeta!" but his face was just so hilarious with flour all over his face, I couldn't help myself from laughing out loud. He was laughing, too. He gripped me by the waist, shaking his head so the flour flying out to my face. I tried to push him off of me, but his grip was too strong. I wriggled my body to turn around so my back was pressed on his chest and trying so hard to pry his hands from around me, but it's all futile. Well, I might as well just surrender anyways, he is a wrestler, and I wouldn't have a chance. But then I realized, Prim was standing in front of me with hands full of flour. I didn't even have a chance to shout 'no' before she threw the flour right at my face.

"Prim!" I grabbed her by the waist before she had any chance to run away from me, and I shake my head right at her face, just like Peeta did to me. She's screaming, and laughing, and giggling all the way while her face now covered with flour. If anyone could saw us right now, we must look very silly. Mom might be furious with the mess we made, but honestly, I don't really care about it right now. For a moment, I remember that I was just a young girl, and it's nice to have some fun with my little sister and my friend slash _supposed_ lover.

Eventually, we finished the cookies anyways. Peeta taught us how to make the icing and how to decorate the cookies with it. But since neither Prim nor I were that graceful to make delicate flowers, we ended up making everyone's name on it. Prim make each one for me and Peeta, then for Mom, Haymitch, and all the Hawthorne's family. She even made one with 'Katniss loves Peeta' on it, which made me blushed furiously and ended up running around the house to catch her. Fortunately, Peeta eat that particular one. Prim was pouting and hitting him, but he's whispering something to her and once again she's all smiling and grinning at me. I wonder what he said to her, but Peeta winked at me when Prim didn't notice, so I shrugged it off.

Peeta excused himself after we cleaned up the kitchen, so I walked him to the front door.

"What a day, huh?" Peeta asked me. But, he's looking to the sky, watching the sun sets.

I smiled at him. "Mm-hmm. Thanks to you."

Peeta chuckled, then move those beautiful blue orbs towards me. "No. It was all because of your little duck." I raised my eyebrows, but he deadpanned, "Seriously." He took a jar of cookies, then handing them to me. "This is for Haymitch. I think you should give it to him," he paused, a sad smile replacing his earlier content smile, "He missed you." He sighed, and once again looks at the orange sky. "Do you know this is my favorite moment of the day?"

I didn't realize that I just kept staring at him this whole time. There's something about him that I just couldn't quiet put my fingers on. Sometimes I wish I knew this boy better before the games. That way, maybe I would know what was going on in his beautiful mind. Maybe I could figure out what is it that makes him loves me. Maybe, he would look at me in a completely different way and he would see the real me. I'm just a ruthless, careless, dirty, unpretty girl from the Seam. I'm not stupid, and I'm tough, but I wouldn't be anything a girl should've been. I shake off my train of thoughts, and look at the sky. "The sunsets?"

"Yeah," once again, I stared at him, "There's something about the colors that was really... fascinating. And when you close your eyes, you know that the earth is in a quite, peaceful silence, like the whole world stopped just to see the last remnant of sun lights for the day. Too bad District 12 didn't have a beach, a summit, or any spot to really enjoy this."

_There is_.

Suddenly, Peeta eyes snapped to me. "Really?"

Did I just say it out loud?

Peeta's eyes searched for mine, and I couldn't look away. I couldn't deny that hopeful look. For once, I saw his eyes light up with such glee. Even if I didn't want to share that place to anyone, but if anyone deserve to see such beauty, I think its Peeta. He would really appreciate it, and I want to give him that joy, that hope. Just like the one he gave me when I was 11 years old. "You want me to take you there?"

And everything in his face just light up, like the sunshine. Not just his smile, not just his eyes, but _everything_ about him looked so happy. God, I wish I could make him smile like that all the time.

"If you don't mind, Sweetheart."

* * *

***off to the next chapter***


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: *head down* I am so so so sorry that it took me so long to update this! Actually I had written this chapter and it stay on my usb for months now, but I didn't upload it because I wasn't sure with where this is going. I even made a *cough* rated M *cough* version of this chapter, but then, I think it's going to ruin the whole story if I use that one. But don't worry, I think you still will like this one. *wink***

**And I am sorry that due to the long break, I lost my outlines for this story. Maybe I would write down the plot first before I get to the next chapter. Not to mention that I should be studying for my final exam before I graduate from college... hopefully I would be graduating before the end of the year. Would you please kindly wait til then? *puppy eyes***

**And thanks to everyone who had read/reviews/putting this on story alert! Now I know why those authors always demanding a review... It is addicting ;)**

**Disclaimer: Still, I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"_You want me to take you there?"_

_And everything in his face just light up, like the sunshine. Not just his smile, not just his eyes, but everything about him looked so happy. God, I wish I could make him smile like that all the time. _

"_If you don't mind, Sweetheart."_

* * *

**Katniss' POV**

Tomorrow is the Tour's day. I've decided that I would take Peeta to the lake today. Yes, the lake that my father had shown me all those years before. It was far in the woods; usually I'd go there hours before dawn so I could get home before noon. But because Peeta wanted to see the sunsets, I think it would be better if we set off after breakfast. That means I didn't go for hunting today, and that means Hazelle and Rory, Vick, and Posy wouldn't have any fresh game from me. But yesterday I was determined to have as much game as possible so they might be enough for the Hawthorne's for two days. I told Hazelle to save some for today, and she said she's okay with it. I felt bad, really, I tried to convince her to take the butcher meat I've bought from the market, but she wouldn't take it. She didn't want to hurt Gale's pride, and she said that I needed to respect his decision. I could only nod in defeat. At least she still took the game.

I've also brought Prim's cookies to Haymitch. He's kind of surprised to have some kind of gift from someone else, it must've been a long time since the last time he ever had any gift. It's not like he likes cookies anyway, but I told him it's from Prim, so he grumbled and accepted it. Nobody can deny my little duck. Even Gale. I told her to be careful when she gave the cookies to the Hawthorne, I'm afraid Gale would felt hurt and angry because he could never afford that kind of luxury to his family—especially if he had known that she made it with Peeta—but she only rolled her eyes. With pride she confidently convinced me that Gale could never even dare to be mad at her, ever. That's my little duck, she wrapped us all around her little finger.

It's kind of weird when I saw Haymitch smiling when he saw his name on the cookies with little hearts all around it, that's Prim's. The ones that beautifully decorated with little flowers around it must be Peeta's. Then he stared at the one with a simple 'Thank you' and nothing else around it. That's mine. I kind of embarrassed that of all things that I could give to him, I simply gave him that one piece of cookie, and it's not even that pretty like Prim's or Peeta's. I should've made some more effort; the guy had saved my life, for God's sake. I should've given him things like... I don't know. Haymitch didn't like anything else other than liquor. I almost took that cookie away from his hand, when suddenly, he ate it. He ate the freaking cookie. I started to protest at him. Why did he eat it? But he said, "Not bad," and I knew that he knew it was mine. It kind of warmed my heart, to know that actually he knew that I meant it. That I meant to thank him for saving me from the games, and I get chill all over my body that the words would go in his blood straight to his heart.

That way he won't forget it, right?

"So... what's up with you and your boy?" Haymitch asked, with a mouth full of cookies. He swallowed some, and took another bite before added, "And don't even try to give me that 'nothing's happened' again. That boy already gave me too much of that. And maybe I believe that it's nothing for him, but I know it's not nothing for you." He snapped his fingers, "Now talk."

I huffed. I took the couch in front of him and sat there, trying not to look at him. I hate it when he did this, this kind of psychic thing like he could read my mind. But I know I need to talk to him. It's now or never.

"I was confused," I stated.

"About Lover Boy?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't call him like that. I hate it." That made Haymitch howled with laughter.

"It's funny. He told me the exact same thing," he said. "Are you sure you don't have any feelings towards him? You're acting like an old married couple. And neither of you even knew about it." Now, I was glaring at him. "Ouch," he mocked, "Hit some nerves, did I?" And he laughed again.

"Shut up, Haymitch," I snapped at him. He didn't stop laughing though, so I ignored him.

Eventually, he stopped. He quirked an eyebrow, "So, I saw that you're making up with him."

I scowled. I don't want to talk about personal things with Haymitch. We, me and Haymitch, didn't talk about this kind of things. And I never planned on starting one.

I heard him sighed when he started, "Look kid, if you're never intended to give the boy another false hope, you should consider to tell him beforehand. It's hard to act like you're crazy in love when the person you actually in love with broke your heart. Give the boy a break."

I narrowed my eyes at his lecture. _Really?_ "You know it's not like that."

"Then what?" he challenged. I open my mouth to say something, but he beat me to it. "You can't play with his heart like that, Katniss—"

"I'm not trying to!" I yelled. I refused to let him thought that I was that horrible. I was just so confused. I'm not that kind of girl who would crush on a boy and relentlessly talking about him all the time. I don't have any time to dwell with that. I had had too many things going out and about in my head, like how to stay alive, how to take care of my family, how to get some food everyday. Eventhough now I didn't have to worry about most of it anymore, but the games bring a whole lot new thing for me to worry about, like the nightmares, the Tour, and how I've never felt any safer after I've become a victor. Instead, I felt like there's something more to come, waiting for the bomb to explode.

And I was scared to have any feelings to anyone. What if I'd only ended up hurting everyone? Did I even deserve that kind of affection?

"So what are you going to do?" Haymitch asked.

I hesitated. "I don't know... sort off my feelings?"

"How?"

That's what I've been thinking about. With the Tour's coming up, I'll have to keep up the act like I'm head over heels for Peeta. Along with the fake smiles, fake caresses, fake kisses... how would I know if any of them real if I'm too busy on faking everything up? How would he believe me if there is any real feelings between our facade? I realized these things after that night in Peeta's house. I realized that I really, really wanted to know if it would feel any different if I really wanted to kiss him, if it's not staged. Without that nagging uneasiness that the whole world was watching us. Without feeling like our lives depended on those kisses.

"You're running out of time, you know?" Haymitch stated. Like I didn't know about that.

"I don't want to choose..."

Haymitch looking at me, confused, "Between whom?"

"Gale."

"What about him?"

"He kissed me. Once."

"Then you should kiss Peeta, too. It would be easier."

"But I don't want to hurt them..." I must be sounded like a whiny girl. Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"Bad news, Sweetheart: no matter what you do, you're going to end up hurting both of them, and yourself. So better be get over it sooner than later."

That sounds awfully selfish. And wrong. "You're not helping."

"Who said I would?" he shrugged. "I'm not going to tell you what you should do, it's all depends on which way would you regret more. If it was me, I'd rather take the risk and try to explore my feelings. At least, that way, if it was failed, I'd know that I've tried. It's better than wondering on _what ifs_ that you would never know the answers are."

"But it sucks."

"Well, sucks to be you, Sweetheart."

* * *

**Peeta's POV**

I'm waiting for Katniss to come pick me up after breakfast. She still didn't tell me where this place is—or what is it—just that it's really far in the woods, so I need to be prepared. Well, I have my stamina in check, with the flour sacks that I still have to carry up everyday, not only to the bakery, but also to my house in Victor's Village, which is taking even far more walking from the town. It's my leg that makes me a little concerned. I'm barely getting used to it, saved it for walking in the woods. For hours. I don't know if it's a really good idea, but it's Katniss. If she's willing to share a place for me, and a whole day to spare with me, I'm not going to refuse it. No. Not a chance. So, I don't care if my leg is going to kill me or make Katniss really mad at it—I'm not a graceful person even with my real legs, let alone with a fake leg, it's going to be a disaster for her—I'm not going to let an opportunity of having some alone time with Katniss. I couldn't contain how excited I am with this thought. I must be smiling like an idiot right now. Some helpless love struck boy I am. _Geez_.

So, I've prepared my jacket because it's going to be chilly out there, along with some sandwiches, just in case we're going to have lunch in the woods. Maybe Katniss would hunt some squirrels and it's not like I won't mind to eat those. And a bottle of water. Katniss said maybe I would need a blanket and some change, even though I'm not sure what they were for. Are we going to cuddle in the woods? Because that's not likely. But since it was cold outside, I think it is best if I listened to her suggestion. I packed them all in a bag pack and I'm ready to go.

Katniss came not long after. She dressed like she always did everyday, a shirt with a thick jacket on top, a pair of boots, and a game bag that I'd recognized which she always bring after she went to the woods and sold her squirrels to my father. Her hair was braided and placed to the right side of her neck. She's even packed lighter than me. A frown appears on her face when she saw my bag. "What did you bring?"

"Umm... sandwiches for lunch, water, and... blanket as you told?"

She looked skeptical for a moment, but then shrugged. "Oh, I forgot to tell you to bring a flashlight. It's going to be really dark on the way home." Okay. I know I have one of those. Fortunately, I didn't forget where I put them.

We walked the street to the Seam and went to her old house. I wonder what are we doing here, but I've never been here before, so I won't complain. Katniss told me to wait in the living room while she went to one of the bedroom. The house was rusty... and unkempt, but I can see how nice this place was when Katniss' family still live here. It is small, but there's some kind of familiarity in it that made it feels... homey. I see that she left some furniture around the house, and I saw a picture of her family on top of the fireplace. There's little Katniss, exactly the one that I saw when I was 5, standing along with Mr. Everdeen while Mrs. Everdeen sit up with a bundle of pink blanket on her arms that must be baby Prim. They looked really happy there. I wonder when I was ever looked that happy with my family, well maybe with my father, and sometimes with my brothers, but not when my mother was there. Especially not when she knew that I was staring at the girl who was singing at the front class.

"Feeling nostalgic?"

I jumped a little when Katniss caught me staring at her picture. I can feel the blood rushed to my cheek, because I don't want her to think like I'm some kind of a creep. Or a stalker. But she just smiled at me, so maybe she didn't mind that I looked around a little.

"What are we doing in here?" I asked her, still curious.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Extra blanket," she patted her game bag. I nodded. "So, are we ready to go?"

We went to the fences that bound our district and the woods. Katniss took me to a hole at one of the fences and we slipped past through it. I didn't comment that these fences should be electrified, and I wonder if they did, that means she wouldn't be able to hunt, right? But I kept it to myself. I won't ask her about something that she did for years to survive and feed her family.

And here I am. In the woods. For the very first time in my life. It's kind of ironic that I've been in the woods once in the games, but I've never set a foot in one outside of District 12. And I'm surprised with how familiar I am with this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It smelt like... freedom. When I open my eyes, Katniss just stared at me and smiled. I smiled back at her.

She took me to this tree where she put her bow and arrows. Okay. So that's why I'd never saw it. Clever. I'm just mesmerized by her intelligence, how she thought of everything. She even thought on every step she made, made as little sounds as possible. I tried to copy her, not wanting her to snap at me like before, but it was useless. I kept on stepping on dry leaves, branches, almost slipped on muddy planes. Katniss gave me that signature scowl numerous times, and every time I just put my hands up and mumble 'sorry' as quietly as I can. It's tiring. To keep quiet, not the walk itself. I envy her to have such gracefulness in here. Well, she did have a lot of practice anyway.

We did catch a couple of squirrels along the way. Every time she found one, she would put her finger on her lips, telling me to be quiet. I would stopped a few feet away from her and freeze. Then she would take her arrow and stepped forward, and the next thing I know, I heard the squirrel choke and Katniss would smile at me. _God_. Every time she did that, I swear my heart skipped a beat.

The sun was right at the top of our head, and I wonder what this place would be like. She checked on me several times, but I'd tell her to keep going. I know we both could walk forever until we couldn't feel our legs, thanks to the games. I wonder if she had a map of the woods in her head because never once she looked confused or lost, she just walked and walked deep into the woods. Until finally she stopped and gave me that smile again. The confident smile, I would call it now. "We're almost there."

I started to notice that the ground not as dry as it was before. The trees were rarer and they're like making some kind of formation. I could hear the birds not far ahead, meaning that there's where the animals gathered. Water, I realized. It's a water source. And right on cue, I could see a small lake right in the middle of the woods, in front of me.

_Holy. Shit._

Never in my life had I ever seen something as beautiful as this. The sunlight's reflected from the sky giving the lake a slight bluish color, mixed with the green from the trees. Various plants I don't even recognize were spread across the field surrounding the lake. Most of them are withered, but still, it really is... breathtaking. I could only imagine how it would look like when the sun goes down. Or in the summer. When the plants were in full bloomed and the flowers in every different shade of colors were blossomed, and the trees were alive with birds and animals leaning their lives on them. My hands itched to embed this picture perfect in front of me into a canvas. If only I could brought my painting tools.

But no matter what, this would be kept in my memories forever.

I didn't realize I was still walking ahead until I reached the edge of the lake. I could feel Katniss presence right beside me, watching my reactions. "Speechless?"

"Much." I started to look at Katniss; she's still watching me with that smile. _God_. If only I could kiss her right now. To show her how thankful I am, for saving my life, for sharing _this_ with me. She didn't know how much this meant to me. I wish I could share this feeling with her. But I know I can't. I ball up my fist to keep my composure. I don't want to ruin this moment.

She released eye contact with me, and took a couple of steps to a little cottage not far from the lake. I can see there used to be some others like this one around the lake, but they were just some ruins now. I wonder what happened to them. Was there anyone else who came here often beside Katniss? How did she found this place anyway? Did she ever bring anyone else here before me? My train of thoughts immediately went to Gale. _Yeah, Gale_. I kicked him out of my mind or I'll keep wondering what else he's doing here with Katniss all of this time, rather than enjoying this particular moment.

She started a small fire on the fireplace, sits back, and patted a spot next to her. She was taking her shoes off when I sit with her. Without asking, I took the sandwiches from my bag and give her some. I took one bite and realized that I was so hungry.

Apparently, I'm not the only one starving. Katniss was moaning after she took another bite of my sandwiches. "God, Peeta. This is so good..." and she took another bite.

We ate in silence. Just enjoying the view, the wind breeze, the sun, and each other's company. Once we finished eating, I asked her the questions that have been nagging my mind since we arrived here.

"How did you found this place?"

Katniss looked at me. She didn't say anything for a while, to the moment that I thought that she wouldn't answer the simple question. Well, that's alright. No. That's not alright. It made me thought the worst possible ways of what her silence could meant. Maybe she did found this place with Gale. Maybe, Gale was the one who told her about this place. Ugh. I will myself to think of something else before it went too far, when she said, "My father showed me."

I hope she didn't notice the breath that I released to hear that. I didn't even know that I was holding my breath. I don't know that I could feel so much rage just by the thought of her and Gale doing things together. She's innocent. I have to believe that.

"So... did you come here often?"

"Yeah... when my father's alive."

I stopped asking her there. I don't want to make her feel like I'm interrogating her and make her feel uncomfortable by bringing up her memories with her father. Eventhough I am dying to ask one more question to truly free myself from those disturbing thoughts. But I knew better than to push her. So I swallowed that question and hope they would never came out anymore.

I stood up and walked out of the cottage to the near end of the lake. I took a deep breath and let the sun hit straight to my face, trying to let the warmth spread through all of my body. I could hear Katniss' footsteps slowly approaching me and stopped right beside me. I could feel her eyes staring right through me, but I just smiled. I hope she would see how happy I am right now.

Suddenly she asked me, "Can you swim?"

I opened my eyes and shake my head no to her. "Can you?" I asked her back eventhough I know there's no doubt that she could. My voice was so low I almost hope she didn't caught my plea, "Would you teach me?"

But of course she did hear me. She stared incredulously at me. "Peeta," she scolded, "It's cold."

I just grinned. It's not like I didn't know that it must be really cold down there, but I can't help but wondering what the water's would feel like all around my body. I know my legs will be a big issue for me to ever learn to swim, and I know that Katniss wouldn't have the patience to teach me. But call me selfish, call me crazy. I still took off my shirt and my pants, leaving me only with my boxer, and I jump to the water.

"Peeta!"

I heard Katniss' scream for me from under the water. I must be scared her to death. I tried to move my arms and my legs so I could float to the surface, but the weight of my fake leg was pulling me deep down into the lake. _Shit_. My skin felt so cold and my chest was starting to burned, but I know I need to hold my breath if I didn't want the cold waters went to my lungs and I would die in a heartbeat, right then and there. I keep on struggling. Up. I need to go up... I told myself over and over again, when I felt the water splashed around me, and an arm looped around my waist—Katniss', it must have been her—and finally, I was moved up to the surface.

We both gasped for air once we hit the surface. It was still difficult for me to move at all, and as if she knew about this, she half carry me to the edge of the lake. She lay me down with my back on the ground, and I tried to take as much breath as I could. I could feel both of her palms on either side of my face, which was a little bit warmer. My vision was slightly blurred, but slowly I could see Katniss' face, her eyes searching me—and God, did she look worried. Terrified, even.

"Peeta... Peeta..." her voice was hoarse and oh so desperate, "Please, answer me..."

Finally, I can see her clearly. Her eyes were glossy, her lips were pale, her breaths hitting my face, and I didn't know that she was so close to me until I could feel _her_ warmth all over me, and that's when it hit me. She was straddling me, holding me so close; the front of our bodies almost touches. The heat from her skin—her _bare_ skin—spread all over my body from head to toe. I tried to find my voice and called her name, when I realized that my throat was dry. I still tried anyway.

"Katniss—"

Abruptly, she hugged me tightly. I tried to suppress my groan, because the sudden movement made my stiff muscle twitched and our position was so uncomfortable. I tried to hold myself up so we both sat up straight on the ground. She didn't loosen her grip even for a second. She buried her face on my shoulder, her breath tickling my neck, and her lips keep mumbling something that sounds like my name and God. Her arms were circled around my neck, holding me in place, rocking our body back and forth, either to warm out our bodies or to calm herself. Her fingers switching from pulling to smoothing my hair, giving my body a sense to relax a bit. Our position was so intimate, and I started to put my arms around her waist, when once again, I was surprised to find bare skin around her torso.

I gulped. I know it wasn't appropriate for me to think about anything like _that_ right now, but _damn_, I'm just a teenage boy. Once I realized that she was only in her underwear—a pair of black bra and a black boy shorts, that much I knew just by looking down her back—I struggled to keep my hands on the small of her back and ever the gentleman, not wandering around her body, let alone feeling her up. But with her chest pressed up against me, and her butts practically sitting _on_ me, and the motion her body make, I couldn't help but to feel my boxer growing tighter and tighter by each torturous seconds.

I kissed the side of her head. It's kind of amusing that it's me who was almost died, and yet I'm the one who tried to soothe her panicked mode. My palm rubbed soothing circles around her back, while the other smoothing her still braided, damped hair.

"Sshh... I'm fine, Sweetheart..." She sniffled, but still ignoring me. Instead, she was tightening her hold on me, if it even possible. Despite the situation that we're in, I have the urge to smile at her reaction. There's a twinge of hope that maybe, just maybe, that she really cared for me after all. That I meant something, anything, in her life. And I don't care how small my part would be in her life, but I'm still grateful. And relieved.

I don't know how long we stayed that way. I won't mind if she held me like this for the rest of the day. I just hope she wouldn't notice, or just ignored, the growing bulge that must be pressing between her tights down there. It didn't helped that her body was soaking wet, and her black shorts—that was barely covering her ass—revealing her smooth, silky and slippery thighs clamping around my waist. Never in my wildest, erotic dreams did I ever imagined we would be in this state of undress, with barely there piece of clothing separated our bodies. I swear that tonight, and many nights after tonight, I won't be able to sleep without recalling this particular moment. There might be even less clothing than we have now... and there will be kissing, a lot of kissing, and the fact that I could feel the way her breasts pressed up against me, leaving nothing to my imagination about how it would feel like if it was her _bare_ breasts rubbing on my bare chest, and my fingers would play with her wet core down _there_... or how if it was my cock pumped in and out of her tight, slick pussy...

I was too late to hold my groan, making Katniss jumped frantically and loosening her grip around my neck. She backed a little, holding my face with both of her palms, looking at me with worried expression, "What is it? Did I hurt you?"

"No... It's alright..." I mustered up my face to smile at her, hiding a grimaced. But she saw through me. Her face turned to sad.

"Don't you ever. Do that to me again," her voice was so soft, but I know she meant it. Her thumb smoothing my jaw, while her other hand back to circling around my neck and played with the nape of my hair. Then she rests her forehead on mine. My heart drummed so fast, beating me from the inside of my chest it almost hurt. Our lips were so close, I thought she was going to kiss me... "I thought I'm going to lose you..." she whispered the words to my lips.

"You won't," I said with such definite, "I promise you, you will never—"

And she did kiss me. _Fuck_, did she kiss me. This kiss was full with so much passion and desperation. It was rough, it was sweet, and it was a full open-mouthed kiss. She didn't even take time to bit my lower lip and plunged her tongue down my throat. It was almost felt like she was afraid that this would be our last kiss. She pushed our body even more closely, grabbing my hair for dear life, once again rubbing me with her body but with a different heat. The girl on fire literally set my body into a frenzy flame, desperate for more of her, for her to never stop her frantic movements around me. God, did it felt so good... I know she must be feeling the raging hard on I was having right now, and the worst part is that she seemed to enjoy this as much as I do. She sighed for a second to take a much needed air, but then she crushed her lips again on me, and we continued rubbing our bodies together again and again and again... Her hips grinding down on my crotch, making torturous circling motion that make me moan loudly. My hands were wandering on their own accord all over her back, up to her neck, down to her smooth thighs, up again to give a gentle squeeze on her butt, then all the way up until my fingers playing on the edge of her bra...

I swear to God if we didn't stop soon, I must have come sooner than later.

I put my palm on her cheek, my thumb caressing her lips, silently asking her to slow down. "Katniss..." I whispered her name on her lips; she was reluctantly pulling her body away from me, her lips still trying to catch mine over and over again. She was so insistent to keep on kissing me; I almost gave up and let her have her way with me. But I knew she would regret it later if we ever went that far. And I couldn't afford that. I don't want her to think of me as if I'm a mistake, like she did after the games, risking losing her completely all my life. As much as I wanted to do this, I wanted her to truly want to do this with me even more. Besides, it is my first sexual experience in my life, ever. Yes, I've seen naked women in my life, thanks to my brothers, they were always failed to be discreet when it's about sex, ended up with me walking in on them during the act numerous times. And it's not like I've never had an orgasm in my life before, usually imagining those womanly curves I've seen and replaced their faces with Katniss', even more so after I've tasted her lips in the games, despite the fact that they were just an act... I'm so pathetic.

She's still kissing me, though. Grinding her hips to mine with more determination than before. I groaned, and ever so gently pushed her shoulder back just a little. She tightened her arms on my neck instead. I sighed, "Katniss, Sweetheart... _please_... we need to stop..."

Finally, she slowed down and stops pressing her pussy to me, all the while still peppering me with little kisses, as if she's trying to coax me to resumed our... activities. I chuckled with how much she seemed to want this. Maybe if I wasn't so heartbroken, I must have been caved and take her right here and then.

"If I didn't know any better, I might have been thought that you are falling for me..." I commented to her, slightly amused.

She kissed me again, not fiery kisses as before, but sweet little kisses, almost like a peck but lingering for a couple of seconds. Well, I'm not complaining. I do enjoy this, though. I do thought that she might be not going to stop kissing me like this for a while. But then she whispered, "You're making it really hard not to..."

What a pleasant surprise. "Really?"

Her face was so red because of our make out session before, a fact that she was blushing furiously right now. Shyly, she added, "Yeah... I—I've been wondering, if I've known you better long before the reaping, maybe I would've developed some feelings for you by now..."

_Damn!_ Now I wished that I was brave enough to talk to her all those times. I wished I've mustered up my courage and just talk to her. That would save me a lot of pain and broken hearts and jealousy and anger...

"And what about now?" I asked her.

"I don't know..." she answered honestly. "Those kisses in the games, they're blurring everything I was feeling. I keep wondering if any of those were real... but I know it's impossible to sort it out when I was too busy to make people believe me. I wanted to know how it feels to really kiss you, especially before I have to fake everything out again in the Tour—"

"And how was it?" I cut her off; not wanting to let her words opened an old wound.

She was burying her face on my shoulder, once again tightening her arms on my neck. She was mumbling to my pulse point when she finally answered, "I don't want to stop."

My face broke into a wide smile at hearing this. I was grinning like an idiot, with the girl I fell in love with still perched on my lap, admitting that she enjoyed kissing me. _Very much_. It's not much, I know, but it's better than nothing at all. I seriously considering being more aggressive to her from now on, so maybe she would fall for me even faster, knowing that I have a chance to win her over. It was enough, for now.

I gave her a peck on her lips before brought our bodies up. She looked confused with my sudden movements, before I smiled and rubbed her arms with my palms. I can see now that her breast were wrapped tightly in a black bra that revealing the top of her breast and a deep cleavage. The water dripped down from her face, to the top of her breast—not that I could see much of it, much to my disappointment—to the smooth plane of her torso, all the way down to her smooth legs. _Man..._ I am totally okay just by enjoying the view right now. Katniss seemed to notice this and her face reddens even more, trying to cover up her dripping wet body from my view... Okay. I need to jump into the water like, right now.

"Would you ever be any kind to teach me to swim, now?"

She was really shocked, her eyes bulging out at me.

"What? The sun's still high, and the fireplace still worked... We'll need to do something to kill the time, right?" I tried to reason with her.

Her eyes softened a bit. She was reluctantly drop her arms from her body, before deadpanned, "Fine. But I was going to jump in first, and you, don't ever do stupid things like that again."

"Yes, Ma'am."


End file.
